imnotcancersfriend's Cancer Blog
March 13, 2010
I love each and every one of you for your help through this battle, but let me tell you…What an amazing day I just had at the hospital with my precious T! You all agreed that I needed to support, support, support and I DID 100%! We were able to get some time alone today and we had the most amazing talk I could ever have hoped for. She told me absolutely everything that was swirling around in that head of hers. Are you guys ready… She knows exactly what is going on with her body she just doesn’t want to talk about it openly because she’s afraid it’s all EVERYONE will talk about. I told her it’s all they talk about behind her back and she says fine leave it that way. “If I have limited time I want smiles and laughter”! She has decided to go on with chemo treatments even if they don’t help at all because they don’t really make her sick and it 1. gets her out of the house and 2. gets her more updates on what is going on inside of her body.(Smart)Her and her husband sat down together last night and made living wills together, and then discussed and agreed on where they want to be buried next to each other! Oh…and I’m supposed to give the “speech” at her funeral cuz I can get up there and “take the edge off”. I have to tell you I put up a fight on this one and she turned on me saying if she has to die I have to get up there and make a speech…”and make sure you make them laugh too”. (Piece of cake right???) So I made a reluctant promise to fulfill my duties to the best of my abilities. While we were talking things through I ever so gently brought up the pain medication and she explained to me that she had stopped taking the hydrocodeine because it was only meant to treat breakthrough pain during her urinary tract infection…she has not stopped taking her extended release morphine but her Dr. did mention that she could try and wean herself off of the small breakthrough dose of morphine IF SHE FELT COMFORTABLE doing so. Her husband supported her decision to do this and her parents did not. The most important lesson learned and accomplished today…I asked T’s permission to talk to her about the “hard stuff” so that I can help support her (and her husband) If and when things begin to evolve and proceed, because they will here before long. She has agreed and so has her husband. I want to tell you after our talk today both her and her husband were so carefree and calm, we were blessed with a beautiful and memorable day. (even if we were stuck in the hospital) And I owe it to all of you, so thank you once again for your support and guidance today was truely a gift! God bless you all.
An unexpected and priceless gift..., 
4 comments)
I am so happy for you and T, that is wonderful hopefully the air is cleared and you can support her in her time of need and do it knowing that she knows fully what is going on. It sounds like the 3 of you had a good long talk and when the time comes her Husband will most likely look to you for support. God Bless you for all that you have done for your friend you are an angel.Hugs to you all. keep us posted on how T is doing.
Pat
I am so happy for you that you had this experience. It is always amazing to see, feel, and hear about the divine spirit (however you may define it) at work in the world. You are a great conduit for the spirit and T is blessed to have you in her life. The blessings you have brought to her and her family will stay with you all forever.
Peace,
Kathy
Posted on Good, good, good for you and your team (T, husband and you). Sounds like everyone who counts is on the same page.
When the time comes, you will give a wonderful speech for your friend. When one of my friends lost her battle with cancer, her husband spoke at the memorial service and it was great——humorous stories of their life together and how Debbie’s life had such a positive impact on many others’ lives. The service left us with a positive outlook on life and not tears of sadness.
Continue supporting your friend; she is so lucky to have you!
Good job! And I know it felt like a job but it was a blessing in disguise. Believe me we do want to have as much control as we can when this takes over our bodies and the pain meds. help you function but they fog our brains that are already chemo fogged. Cancer makes us feel as if we are fighting a million battles just within our own bodies, so the fact you found peace will help the entire situation. I am proud and happy that you are there. Stay strong. Peace, Sharron
Posted on March 12, 2010
Well here I am in OK again rah rah rah…right! T had a chemo treatment on Tuesday, followed by 2 days of vomiting and now she’s back in the hospital. So I was able to see her along with her husband and her mother while there this evening and if you can believe it (and I know a few of you can) I was given 2 different stories detailing her situation. Remember when I wanted to jump ship last week, well now I want to jump ship and take T with me. T and her husband told me she is in the hospital because she has a yeast infection in her throat and a little blood in her “poo bag”. Once they leave the room so T can walk off some back pain (?) her mom lays into me with her version. (I’m learning to trust her Mom’s version since the Dr. appts last week) So the cancer is now spreading throughout her stomach which is pushing the stomach fluids (mainly acid) into her esophogus and it’s is literally burning her esophogus away. If this cannot be controlled it WILL affect T’s breathing and either a tracheotomy or breathing tube will have to help her breath. I watch a lot of movies and I know enough to know this is not a good sign in a cancer fight. T HAS NOT BEEN taking her pain medication on the recommendation of her husband, when her Mom finally convinced her to stay at her house last weekend, they kept the pain medications on the scheduled doses and T was able to rest and sit and visit and everything. As soon as she went home her husband started in on her again telling her she didn’t need the pain medication the pain was all in her head, what person does this? I’m going in there tomorrow with my pom poms in full gear, but I can’t guarantee that I won’t be speaking my mind on this one. I could literally go on and on about sooo many other things that are just wrong right now but I won’t. This Tuesday will be 6 weeks into an 8 weeks to live diagnosis for my lifelong friend of 25 years, when I see her tomorrow do I yell at her or support her?
My third side to a two sided story..., 5 comments)
Support, Support, Support! Sounds like she has enough negatives to be dealing with right now without adding to it. Now, it’s hard to say much not knowing all the details, but, i am going to assume that you and the husband are not really on friendly? terms? Maybe there is some underlying reason he is trying to keep her from using alot of pain meds? Or maybe he’s just an insensitive jerk with no clue…I think, maybe you should talk to your friend and ask her why she isn’t taking her pain medication as directed (gently and calmly btw) Some of us try to not get super pain med dependant as it does affect thiongs like heart rate and breathing, and the more we take, eventually, the more we need to take,ya know?
Posted on Hi there,
I’m responding to your previous post as well as this one.
I work in healthcare & you are right: a patient has the right to information about their care & treatment. It’s called “informed consent.” The only time this information can legally be withheld from the patient is if there is a guardianship in place, a durable power of attorney for healthcare, or an invoked healthcare proxy. However, if someone says “Talk with my family instead of me”, that’s a different story.
It sounds like your friend and her husband need support & education around pain management. He may also need some help in talking about his anger & sense of helplessness regarding her illness. (This is what I see from your description of his behavior. He’s trying to have some control in a situation that is completely beyond him. Now obviously, I don’t know him & he may just be a big jerk!)
Gwen is right: support, support, support. As hard as it is, try to meet her where she’s at right now & not where you think she ought to be.
T is very blessed to have so loyal & committed a friend as you.
Posted on I agree Support, Support, Support. You cannot function nor even think when pain overtakes your body, but…when you start taking pain meds. it takes time for your body to adjust and that is a hard ride for ones watching. The person taking the meds. appears out of it and is, but as soon as it is at a proper level the side effects wear off. So keep the strength and love and I have seen calmness in any situation is the most positive message given. Peace, Sharron
My goodness I would not want to be in your shoes, You can only support your friend now and just hope you can help her have a few goods days. I think her husband is in severe denial and maybe he thinks if she doesnt take the pain meds that she isnt really as sick as the Dr makes her out to be(in his mind).It sounds like maybe you can swollow your pride and pull her husband aside and try to talk to him about how he feels about her illness, I think he is really gonna need someone if T does succumb to this dam cancer. You all arein my heart and in my prayers.
Pat
Be a supporter which means follow her lead. I’ve read all of your posts and really feel for you and the family but I feel most for T. Every one seems to know what is best for her…has anyone asked her where she is with all of this? Her wanting to return to work seems like she WANTS to continue denying that cancer is taking over. Believe me, SHE KNOWS somewhere deep inside. She chooses to continue denial and THAT IS NOT A BAD THING. It’s her life/death and she is dealing with it the way she wants to.
As for the meds and her husband that’s a sticky situation. I also think that the doctor needs to talk with him about that,,,maybe her mom can mention it to the doctor?
I’m praying that T gets the support she needs and that you continue to be the good friend that you have been to her. I can tell that you are hurting too.
Teresa
Posted on 
Thanks for your support - 
