imnotcancersfriend's Cancer Blog
February 8, 2010
Well here I am back in TX after visiting T for the first time since her surgery last Tuesday. It was hard to really a surreal experience to be there. I don’t visit with the Dr.’s so I get bits and pieces from her Mom and Husband and sadly they differ in what T understands and what she doesn’t. While her husband relays that she knows exactly what’s going on her mother insists she only knows the cancer has spread. I was able to get some alone time and in respect for her Dr. I chose NOT to talk about how much time she had left. I truely felt it wasn’t the time and that the right time will present itself. T mad it very clear to me however exactly what she needed from me. Her Husband and parents have been fighting ALOT in the weeks leading up to surgery. I won’t go into the pathetic details but I will tell you that T backs her husband 100%. The fights are escalating and occurring if you can believe this in the hospital room right in front of her. She has had enough of them and wants them to just get along. Who the hell fights in front of someone that needs a positive and loving environment. This is where I come in and I quote, “can you please make the stress and fighting go away”? How does one reprimand her best friends parents? I got backup, I told her Uncle (Dad’s brother) and her brother that T and I had a private talk and she said there’s a lot of fighting and it’s stressing her out. I told them I was going to bring it up later that evening and could they please help me bring this to light without being accusatory. Luckily with only minor hesitation they both agreed that it’s time to stop the fighting and focus on loving. So later that evening I was able to fit my task into the conversation. Her’s how it went…Thank you for letting me have some 1 on 1 time with T today, it really meant alot to me and I was able to be there for her because she REALLY needed to VENT. Remember that Horrible nose bleed she had today, well it was because she was crying so hard while talking to me about how everyone is fighting right in the room and it’s really stressing her out. She wishes the fighting would stop and I agree with her. Who’s pride is so important right now that they feel it should take precedence over helping T heal in a positive loving environment? Not one single person spoke but they were ALL staring at me in disbelief. So I added this, I may not be in the family but I have known this family for 24 years…everyone here knows how much T means to me and I am going to do everything within my power to see that her every moment left here on earth fills her body and soul with love and support, I think it’s time the rest of you take a step back and find a way to get over it and do the same. I was terrified at what I had jsut said, I was taught to respect all elders and this really went against that. But then my backup, backed me up! Uncle R. says “I couldn’t agree more, and I’ll help remind everyone if they start up again in front of T, and her brother says we need to just move on. I knew they would come in handy. Her parents never made a comment and her other brother (that I never really got to know he is much older than us) just sat there blank. Wether or not they will take it to heart and keep it out of the room I have no control over as I am 300 miles away again, but the entire remaining time that I was there NO ONE had a disagreement. (Maybe it worked)Tune in tomorrow, for my talk with T’s husband, who was not present for my discussion with the family.
Would you sit there and fight in front of a dying woman..., 
4 comments)
Way to go. . . You WERE needed THERE, You STOOD up for T and people listened. Good for you, you know that you have support here. . . Please let us know how you, T and the family are doing.
-Kathy
Posted on Oh, girl, I am so proud of you! What you did took a lot of courage and is an amazing gift to your dear friend. Loving someone can often be difficult and can mean making people angry, but it’s worth it if you are doing the right thing, and you are. T is so lucky to have you helping her make her life more peaceful and easeful. You are great!
Peace,
Kathy
Posted on Kudos to you. I hope the family just needed to open there eyes and see what they were doing to to T they probably didn’t even realize they were doing it (I hope) and that it was effecting T. again Kudos to you and fro being such a good friend…
Pat
You have courage and strength and it sounds like you are in a hard spot for the right reason. Keep on, you are needed and loved. In fact I would have to say everyone on this sight thinks you are pretty awesome. Love and kindness are all we can give sometimes, thank you. Sharron
Posted on 
Thanks for your support - 
